Thursday, September 21, 2006

Just for Laughs!!!

A friend of mine sent these to me....they are so corny I just had to share them. (side note: These jokes are sooooooo SWEETIE MAN!!!") ENJOY!!!

1) Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2) Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron.” The other says, "Are you sure? ”The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

3) A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything.”

4) Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4a) A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

5) A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

6) A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

7) Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

8) "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" The doctor replies, "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" the man asks. The doctor replies, "It's Not Unusual."

9) Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly,"I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

10) An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

11) Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

12) A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."

13) Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad, or maybe my older brother Colin or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.

14) I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

15) I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

16) A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,” “Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!” The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

17) I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

18) Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

19) What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

20) Two termites walk into a bar. One asked, "Is the bar tender here."


Vera said...

Funny stuff. Makes me smile.

Mouse said...

tee hee.

old lady said...

Lucy! Thanks for the laugh. You've been busy, I see. (I've had lots of catch up to do.)
Oh, and BTW, how come I'm not one of your peeps??? I think I might cry.

Moze said...

Cute! You've certainly earned your oney cake. Do you think the mailmen would actually deliver it, though?

Kari said...

Deja Moo

omg those are way to funny.

Debi said...

What a hoot!!!! The cannibal one wuz my favorite, cuz I have a clown phobia.

Mimi said...

These jokes made me smile, but no.8 made me laugh :D